Oct. 27th, 2007 09:46 pm
crankylex: (Default)
Liza brought home fleas. Okay, to be fair, Noelle had the fleas and gave them to Shelby, Dusty, Stanley and Stella.

We have bathed them all -- for everyone keeping track at home, that's two dogs and three cats.

It does not as of yet appear to have spread to my house. This is fortunate because that would involve bathing another dog, three more cats and two ferrets. I don't have six baths' worth of energy left, so think flea-free thoughts my way. :-p
crankylex: (Default)
So early this morning, I get a text from Sara (yes, yes, I realize that she could have just yelled out the window, but we're lazy) telling me that Stella (one of her cats) was missing.

Cue two hour search of entire three floors of each house, backyard, front yard, etc.

No Stella.

Now we're getting worried; Stella is not adventurous by ANY means.  She's also pure white, with no natural camouflage.  After another search, we give up, and I go back upstairs to return to my work.

As soon as I made it into the living room, I got another text, this one with a picture.

This picture.

I have no fucking idea where that cat was hiding. I crawled into or under EVERYTHING.

::shakes head::
crankylex: (Default)
Once again, the foreboding feeling has panned out.

A close friend of my family died this morning.

Sometimes I hate it when I'm right.
crankylex: (Default)
It's Thursday.

I feel kind of ehn.

toddler talk )

Amy's need for transportation this morning interrupted my morning plans, which prominently featured a naked [livejournal.com profile] lord_pendulous

So, faced with the derailing of the "nookie train" (as he calls it), he got up, let the dog out, threw a load of laundry in the washer and fed and watered the beasts while I got out the clothes we were going to wear to work and ironed them.

We were incredibly efficient, so much so that we had time to rendezvous in the bedroom for a little while before I had to go pick up my pain in the ass cousin and my baby.

Now if we could just convince the cats and the dog to go somewhere ELSE while we are in there, I'd be happy.  It just seems vaguely dirty to have sex in front of the dog.


ETA: It is apparently the "booty train"; Jared informs me that I have mixed up his euphemisms.
crankylex: (pissed!rogue)
On Monday night around 11, I walked outside to let Harry pee. When I got into the middle of the driveway, Sara jumped out from behind a car with a HOSE in her hand and started to spray me, screeching, "I will wash the sin off of you!!!" like a madwoman.

I was SOAKED. Dripping wet, in the middle of the night, in my own backyard with Harry running around me in circles and Sara cackling like a lunatic.

I marched back upstairs, woke Jared up, and he was like, "Why are you all wet?"

After I told him, his eyes got real big and he said, "The hose doesn't reach up the back stairs, does it?"

My family is populated by lunatics.

cats rule

Jun. 20th, 2007 11:27 pm
crankylex: (cat type)

(upon hearing a plaintive wail coming from outside my house)

Lex:  Do you hear that?

Sara:  Could be a child crying.

Lex:  I don't care if it's a kid!  It might be a lost cat!!

Sara:  This is why you have no children.

Lex:  It could be in DANGER!!!!

Sara:  Uh-huh.
crankylex: (baby jesus)

(after searching for my car keys for 15 minutes, I reluctantly place a call to Sara at work as I am late for an appointment with my shrink)

Lex:  Hey, have you seen my car keys?

Sara:  Ummmm...

Lex:  Do you have *my* car with you?

Sara:  The seat of the baby carriage!

Lex:  Is this word association?  Fishsticks!

Sara:  Tartar sauce!!  No.

Lex:  No, this is not word association, or no, tarter sauce is the wrong answer?

Sara:  No, it's not word association, your car keys are in the baby carriage on the back porch.

Lex:  ...Oh, I was totally going to look there next.  What the fuck?

Sara:  The were on the hood of your car and I didn't want them to blow off.

Lex:  But why were they on the hood of the car?  [Said in the same tone as, "But why is the rum gone?"]

Sara:  I put them there.

Lex:  ...  Never mind.


Apr. 19th, 2007 11:03 pm
crankylex: (cat type)
Yesterday, [livejournal.com profile] kita0610 said:
Why you not come round no more?

A. I was without internet at home for ten days. TEN DAYS. TEN DAYS!!!!!!!

B. I have mono again. For those of you keeping track at home, this is the second time in four years. Oh, debilitating fatigue, how I've missed you.

C. This really is my life. So, in order to point out that my life is not all angst and misery 24/7, I've provided a picspam for your entertainment.

random things in my home )
crankylex: (baby jesus)
Just in case you thought your day was bad?

I just cleaned out Monty's prolapsed anus.

Your day wasn't so bad after all, now was it?

pic spam!

Jan. 8th, 2007 09:56 pm
crankylex: (Default)
harry pupper

I was fooling around with the camera tonight, and got a few of the dog actually looking *at* the camera for a change.

(And yes, his left eye is blue and his right eye is brown. He, like the rest of us in this house, is a mutant.)
crankylex: (Default)
Right at this very minute, Monty, a 25 lb. black and tan tabby, is staring down Harry, a 95 lb. German Shepherd/Great Dane mix.

Harry wants some delicious meaty bits from his food bowl.

Monty? WANTS HIS SOUL. Has decided to sit in the hallway right before the kitchen. In front of Harry's food bowl, in fact.

Cat: *oppresses*

Dog: *is oppressed*

Poor Harry. One day, he'll realize that he's got about 70 lbs. on Monty and use his bulk to get to his food bowl. In the meantime, he will whine pathetically for me to come save him from the mean cat.

Who is quite pleased with himself, if the menacing paw-washing is any indication. :->

Oh, and Happy New Year!
crankylex: (pissed!rogue)
I would explain the last two weeks to you all, but it would take too long. To sum up:

* Spent a week in Atlantic City at a convention for work

* Spent two days cleaning my mother's house for Thanksgiving, finishing just in time to cook T-day dinner

* Remembered how much I truly hate cooking

* Discovered that when Liza came back from Africa with 10 crates of artifacts to be catalogued for her thesis, they were contaminated with roaches. Gambian roaches. I cannot adequately explain the TOTAL CLUSTERFUCK that resulted.

* Gambian roaches, as an aside, are much smaller than regular ghetto roaches. Go figure. I wanted to put both types of roaches in a tupperware container for a deathmatch, but there was no time.

* Did I mention the roaches?
crankylex: (Default)
My newest nephew, Aiden.

(behold the greatness!)
crankylex: (Default)
This is an excerpt of an email conversation that is currently going on between my cousins and myself.

Sara, complaining about her herpes attack:

Do they have stronger anti-herpes meds there? I'm using the cream and took my last 2 pills and there keep being more. I have viral representation in three of the four mouth quadrants!!! Someone is gypsie cursing me for being the hot one...

Adam, whining:

At least you tell people you have this affliction.

Amy never told me until after I was locked into a binding legal agreement – marriage!

Amy, with no guilt at all:


Lex, putting it all in perspective:

Really, Adam, what's a little herpes between friends?
crankylex: (pissed!rogue)
Dear Monty,

I understand that you sometimes scarf down your food too fast and puke it right back up in a matter of seconds. I have accomodated this by buying special food tailored to your needs, and also purchasing rugs that match the color of the food, so that the stains are barely visible.

I will never be able to accomodate you puking on my sleeping, defenseless body.

Never, do you hear me?


And to add insult to injury, I just changed those sheets on Sunday night.

No love at all,

crankylex: (pissed!rogue)
I can't shut up today, can I?

Anyway, this conversation just took place in my back yard:

C: Child Next Door, a little girl about 10 years old
L: Me

C (through chain link fence that surrounds my entire back yard): Excuse me!
L (looking up): Yes, honey?
C: Do you have a dog? A big brown one?
L: Yes...
C: Can you not let him outside? I'm afraid of him.
L: Honey, we're in our own yard.
C: But I'm afraid he'll jump the fence.
L: He's never outside unattended, someone is always with him.
C: Oh. Okay.

So basically, this kid felt perfectly within her rights to ask me to keep my dog out of my own fenced in yard because she's afraid of him.

Um, no.

Harry is possibly the most submissive dog ALIVE. He is not aggressive at all, plus he really is never left outside alone (otherwise he will jump the fence to go wandering.)

I would attribute this special snowflake attitude to her youth, but her father is the same charming Haitian man previously mentioned in my lj and I imagine that it is genetic. Part of me wanted to say, "Well honey, I think your father is a gigantic douchebag, but I don't ask you to keep him in the house, now do I?"



May. 15th, 2006 07:02 am
crankylex: (Default)
It is 6:57 AM.

So far this morning, I have:

* Let the dogs out and watched them frolic around the yard. I have to stay with them, because one of them will Houdini his way out of the yard in mere seconds if left unattended.

* Fed dogs. (Note to dogs: You would be able to eat faster if you both didn't swarm me, thus preventing me from getting to the food in the first place.)

* Fed cats, ferrets. (Note to cats: see above note to dogs.)

* Treated everyone for ear mites. (!@#$!!!! because the Almighty hates me and wants me to be covered in Tresaderm)

* Went on poop duty in the ferret room. And yes, it is as thrilling as it sounds.
crankylex: (Default)
So my cousins and my aunt and uncle went on a family reunion for the other side of the family. Yeah, great, wtf ever, it's raining where they are.

However, that leaves me with a total of eleven cats (only three are my own), three ferrets (all mine), and two dogs (not mine).

This is the approximate breakdown:

3 orange tabbies
2 pure whites
1 black and tan tabby
1 gray and tan tabby
1 tortoiseshell
1 calico
1 gray and white patched

1 panda
1 silver mitt
1 cinnamon

1 Great Dane/German Shepard cross
1 German Shepard mix

And a fucking partridge in a pear tree.


crankylex: (Default)

August 2012



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