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Dec. 21st, 2003
(no subject)
Dec. 21st, 2003 11:45 pmChristmas is in four days.
You would think that people of average intelligence were bright enough to figure out that everyone on earth was out doing last minute stuff today.
But no!
No, instead people copped attitudes because they had to...
Get ready for it.
WAIT IN LINE!
I was in line at Linens N' Things, with a gen-u-ine Jamie Oliver T-Fal 12.5" saute pan (not for me, darlings, for The Man, who does the cooking in this house). The woman standing next to me at a line that was clearly NOT OPEN due to the fact that the cashier was counting out her drawer decided that tapping her obnoxiously long nails on the counter was not speeding the girl up sufficiently and snarled, "Are you open or WHAT?"
The girl looked at her like, "Are you fucking stupid, lady?" But since she needs her job, she merely shook her head.
I said, "Clearly, since her light is out and her DRAWER is lying on the counter, she is not open."
Ms. I-Probably-Terrorize-The-Girl-That-Does-My-Nails, Too glared at me and said, "I don't recall asking YOU."
To which I replied, while fondling my enormous pan, "Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought you looked like you needed all the help you could get."
The snickers of all the other people in line sent her far, far away, unfortunately out of reach of the Saute Pan of DOOOOOM.
Hey, God? It's me, Lex. I just wanted to thank you for making sure that I never, ever had to work retail. It would have been a bloodbath.
Really, lady, if you're that fucking stupid, stay the fuck home.
Also, who decided that suburban soccer moms needed GIANTASSAULT VEHICLES SUVS to haul their sproglets about town? It's bad enough that the majority of them cannot drive a vehicle that large. It's bad enough that their children are screaming and throwing things inside the cabin. But it absolutely the worst thing ever that they are talking on motherfucking cell phones the entire time they are trying to navagate the parking lot.
Hey lady. Yeah, you.
Remember the time B. C. P.? Before Cell Phones?
Remember what we did back then?
WE WAITED UNTIL WE GOT HOME.
And to the guy driving the ancient minivan with the peace love and happiness bumperstickers and the "I BRAKE FOR DOLPHINS" and the "STOP DEFORESTATION NOW" signs plastered in his rearview, the next time you cut me off and flip me the bird while doing so, I will forget that I love my car and I will RAM MY HONDA UP YOUR TREE HUGGING ASS.
And get good gas mileage while doing so.
You would think that people of average intelligence were bright enough to figure out that everyone on earth was out doing last minute stuff today.
But no!
No, instead people copped attitudes because they had to...
Get ready for it.
WAIT IN LINE!
I was in line at Linens N' Things, with a gen-u-ine Jamie Oliver T-Fal 12.5" saute pan (not for me, darlings, for The Man, who does the cooking in this house). The woman standing next to me at a line that was clearly NOT OPEN due to the fact that the cashier was counting out her drawer decided that tapping her obnoxiously long nails on the counter was not speeding the girl up sufficiently and snarled, "Are you open or WHAT?"
The girl looked at her like, "Are you fucking stupid, lady?" But since she needs her job, she merely shook her head.
I said, "Clearly, since her light is out and her DRAWER is lying on the counter, she is not open."
Ms. I-Probably-Terrorize-The-Girl-That-Does-My-Nails, Too glared at me and said, "I don't recall asking YOU."
To which I replied, while fondling my enormous pan, "Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought you looked like you needed all the help you could get."
The snickers of all the other people in line sent her far, far away, unfortunately out of reach of the Saute Pan of DOOOOOM.
Hey, God? It's me, Lex. I just wanted to thank you for making sure that I never, ever had to work retail. It would have been a bloodbath.
Really, lady, if you're that fucking stupid, stay the fuck home.
Also, who decided that suburban soccer moms needed GIANT
Hey lady. Yeah, you.
Remember the time B. C. P.? Before Cell Phones?
Remember what we did back then?
WE WAITED UNTIL WE GOT HOME.
And to the guy driving the ancient minivan with the peace love and happiness bumperstickers and the "I BRAKE FOR DOLPHINS" and the "STOP DEFORESTATION NOW" signs plastered in his rearview, the next time you cut me off and flip me the bird while doing so, I will forget that I love my car and I will RAM MY HONDA UP YOUR TREE HUGGING ASS.
And get good gas mileage while doing so.