(no subject)

[crankylex]

I hate people.


Dear Jesus freak,

When you walk up to me and ask me if I've found Jesus, please do not become irate when I immediately look concerned and say, "I wasn't aware that he was lost! Was he under the couch with the cat toys?"

I did not come up to you to ask an incredibly intrusive question. You chose to accost me. Whatever answer you get is your own fault for asking in the first place. Preaching belongs in church, not in Target.

Please embrace my new holiday policy: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

--- Evil Non-Believer


Dear continually oppressed neo-Pagan vegan suffering from lack of protein*,

When the cashier wished you a happy holiday season, she was being genuinely nice to you. There was NO REASON for you to freak out and start screaming about how you are being oppressed by EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the store because of your religion, your food choice, your sexual orientation, and the way you iron your pants.

If you would like, I can demonstrate what physical oppression feels like by stuffing your scrawny, pasty body into a plastic bag.

Please embrace my new holiday policy: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

No love,

Lex

*****

I'm not a Christian. However, people wishing me Merry Christmas does not offend me. I'm not Jewish. People wishing me Happy Hanukkah does not offend me. I'm not of African descent. People wishing me Happy Kwanzaa does not offend me. I choose to take the well-wishes in the spirit they were intended and smile and say thank you.

I am, however, mortally offended by people assuming that because I opt not to partake in their particular religion, there is something deficient about me or my beliefs.

Can the 'holiday season' be over already?


*Please understand that I have nothing against vegans in general. Everyone makes choices in their lives. I don't particularly care about yours, nor do I expect you to harrass me about mine. You stay on your side, and I'll stay on mine. Besides, if you come near me I will pelt you with pieces of steak.

Comments

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

This guy was preaching IN the store? I'm generally patient with people when they stop me on the street, but I once had someone approach me in a bookstore and it really pissed me off. It's completely inappropriate and unless they have the store's permission, I think it's illegal as well. Either way, if they were all up with Jesus, they wouldn't get angry at such a response.

I choose to take the well-wishes in the spirit they were intended and smile and say thank you.

WORD.

[ladyoneill.livejournal.com]

Heeee! ::snuggles you::

You need to post more because inevitably you make me hork diet coke up my nose.

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

He was actually in the parking lot. He's lucky I didn't mow him down with my car and send him on his way to Jesus.

Wackos like him make me feel badly for every normal Christian out there who cringes when people like him pervert their religion.

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

LOL!

I aim to please.

:-)