(no subject)

[crankylex]

Dear Lord,

I could almost forgive you for the whole Jimmy leaving me thing if you would prevent Damien from wiping his ass all over my new living room.

Thanks ever so much,

Lex

***

Dear Damien,

You know, I hear the pound is nice this time of year.

No love at all,

your mother

***

Dear makers of plastic bags,

Please stop using whatever it is that attracts cats in the making of your products. I do not appreciate having to pull plastic bag remnants out of cat asses.

Cordially,

Lex

***

Dear Xanax Fairy,

I've been good. I have. I've been through a lot in the last year. Please come and visit me. I need you. Very badly. I'll even leave a few Lexapro under the pillow for you.

Desperately,

Lex