tuesday morning letters

[crankylex]

Dear Debit Card,

There is money in that account, and I know your magnet strip works, so there is no excuse for not providing me with money that I need to procure my delicious morning muffin and soda.

Broke thanks to you,

Lex


Dear Sam,

I patronize your bodega pretty much every day, and you greet me with some kind of random lesson each morning.  I enjoy the lessons, and I especially enjoy you spotting me breakfast this morning because I had no cash.

YOU ROCK.

xoxo,

Lex


Dear fellow Parkway travelers,

LEARN TO DRIVE.

No love at all,

Lex


Dear other people on Route 4,

OMFG, do we have to do this EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN MORNING?  Yes, the road goes from three lanes to two.  It is NOT A SURPRISE.  PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD every time.

In conclusion, I hate you.

Lex


Dear Township of Englewood,

Please stop putting up random one-way detours.  It complicates an already complicated commute exponentially.

:-(,

Lex


Dear PSE&G,

You were scheduled to install that main on Thursday.  Yet you are here right now installing it.  Is today Thursday?  I don't think it's Thursday.

No, THANK YOU for screwing up my week's schedule.  I really appreciate it.

:-|,

Construction Manager (yes, the one without a dick)