a stroll down memory lane

[crankylex]

msaramat posted something that made me laugh.

So in honor of that, I present an example of the hordes of unfinished fic on my harddrive:

SPOILERS: BtVS: Shadow and AtS: The Shroud
DISCLAIMER: All BtVS and AtS characters, concepts, etc. are copyright FOX, The WB, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, and Kuzui Entertainment. This work is not-for-profit fanfiction, and no infringement is intended.

=============================================

Eyes tightly closed, Angel allowed the darkness to surround him, enveloping him in silence. The darkness allowed Kate's face to flash before him with alarming clarity. He could hear her gasp, feel her body tense, and then his fangs penetrated her and she was no longer Kate.

She was --

--He shook his head, refusing to allow the thought to take hold. No. He would not go there tonight. He would stay far, far away from there and instead concentrate on Kate. Poor, confused Kate.

The shrilling of his phone interrupted his musings. Angel let it ring. He had no intention of answering it. There was no one he wanted to talk to. No one he *could* talk to and remain civil.

But it kept on ringing, disturbing his carefully cultivated stillness. There was no machine on his private line, and so no cheerfully mechanical voice announced his unavailability.

The phone continued to ring. The sound seemed to strengthen in intensity, taunting him. And then he couldn't take it for one more second. He snatched the offending piece of plastic off the base and barked, "Angel."

There was silence on the other end, and that enraged him more. Just as he was about to slam the phone down, a choked voice whispered, "I need you."

His answer required no thought whatsoever. "I'm on my way."

The phone was forgotten as he stood and reached for his coat. He left his apartment and strode down the stairs, walking past Cordelia, Gunn, and Wesley. They looked up from Chinese takeout containers.

"Where are you going, mister?" Cordelia demanded.

"Out."

"Out where?" she pressed, standing up.

"Back to Sunnydale."

The door slammed behind him.

*****

Cordelia slumped into her seat. "Oh, great. If things weren't already bad enough...it's Hurricane Buffy season."

"Hurricane Buffy?" Gunn questioned.

Cordelia's eyes widened. "Ohhhh, you don't know the lore. Okay. It goes like this: Angel was a drunk in Ireland hundreds of years ago. Angel got vamped by his current object of psycho brooding obsession, Darla. They wreaked havoc for a century and a half, then Angel snacked on a Gypsy girl. The Gypsy clan did not like this and cursed him with his mortal soul. Angel then became the broodmeister for the next hundred years, living on rats and other gross things. Then he ran into Whistler -- yet another freaky demon -- who showed him the Slayer that had just been called."

"Buffy?"

"Buffy. So then he fell in love with her -- it's actually kinda creepy, kinda stalker-ish. And then they actually met and whammo! Romeo and Juliet all over again, but with the undead crowd this time. And they angsted and they kissed and they tried to deny themselves, but it didn't work and they eventually got all groiny with each other. Problem was, there was clause on Angel's curse. If he had a moment of true happiness, he would lose his soul."

"I take it Buffy gave him a happy."

"Big fat happy." Cordelia nodded, leaning back in her chair.

"Not good."

"I lived it, buster. Sunnydale was a war zone. It was even more dangerous than usual. Eventually, Angel got recursed with his soul, but not before killing a few of our friends. By that point, he'd already opened the portal to hell, so Buffy had to shove him through it, soul and all, to save the world. So Angel went to hell, and Buffy lost her mind. She split and went god knows where. She came back, he came back, and to make a long story longer, they realized they couldn't be together for fear of unleashing Angelus again, so Angel walked off into the night, leaving Buffy sobbing into her stakes."

"Wow." Gunn scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to take it all in.

Wesley nodded. "There's actually much more to it, but that's it in a nutshell."

"Wow. And he's going back there because?"

"Buffy probably has a hangnail and he wants to watch her new boyfriend kiss it and make it better. Angel really loves to twist the knife, y'know?"

*****

Buffy stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a huge towel, hugging the fabric to her chest. Dispassionately, she studied the bruises that had formed on her face.

Glory was going to be a pain in the ass to kill.

Her hair was dripping as she gathered it up into a turban, attempting to ignore the mental picture of her mother's head, wrapped in gauze, dancing before her. But the comparison was too much, and she yanked the towel from her head.

She stepped into the hallway and listened intently for a moment, comforted by the even sounds of Dawn's snoring. Wearily, she trudged down the hallway to her room, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. Before she could drop her towel, he spoke from the shadows.

"What's going on?"

At the sound of his voice, the tears she had refused to cry earlier welled in her eyes. "My mother has a brain tumor," she answered tonelessly as she turned to face him.

He flinched, then let out a low breath. "A tumor," he repeated.

"And she's lucky. A whole one in three people actually survive it." Tears began to clog her throat.

He didn't comment. Instead, he stepped into the dim glow cast by her nightlight and opened his arms.

Everything that had gone before was instantly forgotten as she hurled herself into his arms. Silent sobs wracked her body, and he gathered her up against his chest like she was a child, tucking her head beneath his chin. He made his way to her bed and sat down, keeping her tight within his embrace.

"I can't fight it, Angel. I can't make it go away. It's killing her, and I can't stop it."

"You're the Slayer, Buffy, not God."

"What good is it if I can't even save my mother?"

He had no answer for her, so he just held her as she cried. Her sorrow was endless, and she wailed into his chest, hitting him with loose fists. "I want it to stop killing her! I want to wake up and have this all be a bad dream!"

"I know," he murmured, rocking her quietly. "It's like a bad dream that keeps on happening."

Abruptly, she stilled. Buffy leaned back to look at him, really look at him. "Why does this always happen to me? Why is it always me? Normal people don't have this many things happen to them."

"I wish I had an answer for you," he said, brushing a strand of wet hair from her face. "I wish...I wish I could at least tell you that."

They fell silent for a long time, huddled together on the bed

[...]

"I need you to make me feel alive."

Her lips caressed his throat, and he let out a heartfelt groan. "Buffy, we can't do this -- I don't -- I can't --" His self-control was evaporating, the effects of the shroud still lingering in his mind.

"Touch me," she whispered urgently.

And then her thighs were hugging his, and every noble, self-sacrificing thought he'd ever had fled. Her towel had long since disappeared, and her naked heat pressed against him. His clothing proved a poor barrier against the call of her flesh, and he couldn't stop himself from rubbing the soft skin of her hip.

"I ache for you," she murmured as her tiny fingers unbuttoned his shirt, her tongue highlighting the path. "I wake up and reach for you and you aren't there."

"You have..." The name was hard for him to say, but Angel grated it out. "You have Riley to turn to."

"Riley is a wonderful man. He's loving, and caring, and dependable."

Every muscle in Angel's body went rigid, bracing for the agony to come.

Buffy's eyes were sad. "He's practically perfect."

"Then why didn't you call him?"

"He's not you. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make him you." The words were out, she had finally said them, and Buffy suddenly felt hundreds of pounds lighter.

Angel's right hand came up and buried itself in the hair at the nape of her neck, tugging her face down to his. Their lips met, love and lust peppered with sorrow and regret.

"You know we can't do this," he said against her mouth.

Her breath hitched in her chest. "I know. The curse. God, I've never hated anyone like I hate those Gypsies."

[...]

"Don't me leave me tonight. I couldn't bear it."

He hushed her, rubbing his cheek against her forehead. "I'll stay as long as you need me."

Her eyes were cautious as she spoke. "The blackout curtains are still in my closet."

He smiled slightly. "You kept them?"

"I hoped -- I hoped I might need them again."

Unexpected tears gathered behind Angel's eyes. "Buffy, I--"

"Not tonight, Angel. Just...not tonight. Tonight, let me pretend. Okay? Just let me pretend."

"Pretend what?" Some part of him needed the confirmation that she still felt as he did.

"Pretend that at least something went the way I wanted it to."

[...]

Pointing and laughing is perfectly acceptable. There was a reason I stopped writing.

::grin::

Comments

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Godamn it Lex.

I hate it that you stopped writing.

[ladyoneill.livejournal.com]

Ditto.

I have them all, y'know, all those wonderful B/A fics (and the ones that have a bit 'o Spike in them), saved to my harddrive for me to worship for all eternity.

Okay, now I sound like a crazed stalker...

*g*

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

Okay, now I sound like a crazed stalker...

Not at all. :-)

Remember the good old days? When we were new at this? Heee!

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

I leave the writing to far better talents. Like you, lovey.

::smooch::

[indiefic.livejournal.com]

You're a quitter Lex! A quitter! Don't you feel ashamed? Don't you feel the need to redeem yourself??

My fic booboos need lex b/a bandaids.

::sob::

I heart you.

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

Don't you feel ashamed? Don't you feel the need to redeem yourself??

Um, this is me, remember? I have no shame, and redemption is for sissies.

LOLOLOL.

My fic booboos need lex b/a bandaids.

Awwww! Bless your heart!! ::SMOOCH::

I have tons more of unfinished fic. Let me know if you want to be tormented further.

[indiefic.livejournal.com]

Let me know if you want to be tormented further.

Consider notice given *G*

Don't quit...revise!!!!

[darkrhiannon.livejournal.com]

Puleeeese? Pretty please???????

Re: Don't quit...revise!!!!

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

Babe, it's been at least two years since I've even looked at BtVS fic. Believe me when I say it is the farthest thing from my mind.

Now my Witchblade AU, that I still have hopes of finishing.

:-)

you do realize that when I point and laugh, I love, correct?

[crushw-eyeliner.livejournal.com]

Cos..the music choice?

BWHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.

I SO RULE.

"It's lex, ladies and gentlemen!"

"With her velvet cape!"

"And those boots!"

"And HER BIG KNIFE!"

....."hold me close/look into my eyes/smile at me when you stick in the knife...."

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH.

Re: you do realize that when I point and laugh, I love, correct?

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

....."hold me close/look into my eyes/smile at me when you stick in the knife...."

Y'know, that line puts my Tom McRae thing into complete perspective.

And you deserve beatings. BEATINGS!!

Fear my di...er, my giant knife.

::grin::

Argh! Gut me why don't you!

[burningeden.livejournal.com]

It is necessary! (underlined) to my personal well being that you finish this fic and several others. Because I've memorized all the ones on your site and I long for a Lex fic.

Feed me, Seymour!

Re: Argh! Gut me why don't you!

[crankylex.livejournal.com]

I actually found a lot of the poems and fics you wrote in an attempt to coerce me into writing again. They didn't work, but they were (and are) treasured.