(no subject)

[crankylex]

Dear Cats,

Please stop peeing on the Litter Maid rake. There is an entire BOX full of clean litter, waiting for you to take a tinkle on it. Please make use of it.

Love,

Your grossed out by a sticky rake mother


Dear James,

I love you more than Diet Dr. Pepper, but if you do not stop snoring directly IN MY EAR, I will be forced to find a new partner.

Love,

Your tired girlfriend


Dear Donny,

Today is Saturday, technically part of that vague time of the week called 'the weekend'. Many people who work Monday thru Friday do not work on 'the weekend'. Just because I personally tend to do so does not mean I am OBLIGATED to do so. Do not call me again today otherwise there will be bloodshed. And then a vacation to someplace warm because I have your credit cards and am an authorized signatory on the account.

Love,

Your extremely grumpy assistant


Dear James,

Snoring on the couch while I type this entry does not endear you to me.

Love,

Your unamused girlfriend


Dear Andrea,

I understand that you wanted to go 'avant-garde' with my hair, but don't you think the tri-color is a bit much?

Love,

Your faithful victim customer


Dear James,

Saying things like, "Y'know, you should stop losing weight because your tits are getting smaller" is not helpful to me in my dieting process. Just FYI.

Love,

Your apparently smaller-breasted girlfriend